Social connections are for people. However, with all friendships and relationships we make, many emotions come along with it including the feeling of “missing”. The official definition from Google for the word missing is, “not present; absent or lost”. But why do we even feel the emotion of missing? When we miss someone, it means that we really care about them and value them. You can miss someone for many different reasons. Maybe, you miss someone who passed away, someone who was once a close friend, or simply someone who has moved away. I am an international student visiting from Frankfurt, Germany. I said good bye to my family, my friends and my dog. I wanted to come to Canada to experience new things and create new memories. Here I have found new friends and a wonderful second family. Despite all the good, there is still a huge part missing. Not having certain special people in your life can hurt or can even make you feel empty. It feels like a part of you is lost or stuck somewhere else. Sometimes it is a constant feeling (especially when the "wounds" are fresh) and sometimes the emotion comes in unexpected waves. It can be triggered by simple things like food, songs, smells, or other random things that reminds us of this person. It is not just a feeling or something in your head, it is also expressed physically. You can get headaches or stomach pains easily, or maybe you just feel exhausted. You can have sleep problems, and your thoughts keep you awake, or you do not have the energy or motivation to get up and experience the day without this person. Missing someone can also affect your appetite or your ability to concentrate. For me personally, it also feels like a huge weight on my shoulders and pressure on my heart. Furthermore, scientists proved that the resulting stress reduces the immune system functions which means you can get sick easier. It is okay to feel all this emotion, and it is not a bad thing at all. It shows how important this person is to you and that you want to have them in your life. This is actually a beautiful thing.
Even though, it is important to accept this feeling and not push it away, you should try not to get hung up on it. It does not mean you should not think about them, recall memories or talk to them, if that is even possible. However, it is important to not overthink or drown in memories because the goal is to feel better, and not to feel hurt or sad. You can try out new things, get distracted and meet new people. You can also write them a letter; tell them you miss them or meditate. I would recommend talking about this emotion with someone. Sharing feelings, helps me personally to take some weight off my shoulders. And most importantly: always remember this feeling of “missing” will not last forever! Laetitia
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Let me indulge you for a moment. Think of a song that “brings back memories” and go listen to it. Now think about how that made you feel. When you listened to that song, could you see your surroundings? Could you hear the atmosphere? Could you feel the sensation of that moment? It's fascinating how music has the power to encapsulate a moment in time, allowing us to retrieve stored memories with just a few minutes worth of lyrics and melody. A couple of years ago I went on a trip to the South Pacific and Hawaii with my mom, my sister, my aunts and my Nani (grandmother). Every night while we were in Hawaii, we would all go for a nice stroll after dinner to observe the sights and beautiful scenery of Waikiki. The streets were crowded with lots of people so my sister and I would hold my Nani’s hand so that we could help her walk safely among the crowd. As we walked around, we would hear music being played by many of the restaurants, local shops, and hotel lobbies. I particularly remember a familiar song called Billie Jean by Michael Jackson being played outside a restaurant as we walked by. When I hear that song now I am instantly transported back to that time; I can see the smile on her face while I held her hand and I can feel the joy radiating from her while she walked alongside her family in Hawaii. This memory is very special to me because 3 months ago my Nani passed away and all I have left are the memories of the time I spent with her. It happened very unexpectedly and it has been a difficult time accepting her loss. I would never have thought of this as such a special moment until I recently heard this song again, and I could vividly relive the good time we had in the streets of Hawaii once again.
Even though there was a language barrier between us, music was one of the things that could always bring us together. I am afraid that my memories will fade but I know that everytime I hear the song I will be transported back to that time and I will be able to indulge in those moments. “Music is a total constant. That's why we have such a strong connection to it. Because a song can take you back instantly to a moment, or a place, or even a person. No matter what else has changed in you or the world, that one song stays the same, just like that moment.” Brianna J |
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