Anyone ever feel like their mind is a little too busy for comfort? Or maybe a lot too busy to function? Whether that's through daily interactions, school, work, personal care etc. that's been me the past month and a half. Exhausting I know… It also just so happens to be that time of year where seasonal depression hits a little harder than expected especially with the holidays right around the corner. I totally missed my blog date and this just happens to be part of the reason why. I'm not the type to get into too much detail but this seems to be the place to do so here we go. I hate the holidays, I know it is controversial but I do. Maybe not the holidays itself, more so that I miss spending it as a family, a whole family. It was late November, the 24th to be exact, in 2018 when my dad told my mom he wanted out. Out of their marriage, their commitment. I didn't understand it. He told us that he couldn't be a good dad and a good husband at the same time without breaking himself in the process. I remember being scared questioning if that meant he wanted nothing to do with me or my brothers. I thought I was losing my dad. In the first few days after that I helped my dad buy a new bed and move into a spare room. I clinged to every moment I could, hid my sadness because I didn't know what else to do. Within the month to my knowledge at the time he started dating his current partner. I got even angrier not understanding how he could be with someone else so quickly after leaving my mom, my family. Earlier this November I finally let all those emotions flood back in after keeping them out of reach for years trying to support my two brothers and my mom emotionally. This was the first year on November 24th that I didn't hear anything from my mom about my dad, the first year she wasn't breaking down and crying, this was the first year she seemed better. It was earlier this December that I found out that my dad in fact did cheat on my mom after years of denying it. Four days my not seem like a lot but to me it's not just the four days he was involved with another woman it's the multiple years after that, that he denied it and lied about it, it's the fact that I was the only person he told directly, it's the fact that I was the one to tell my mom that the man she has been married to for twenty years had cheated on her, the fact I told my brother the truth. I cannot even express how much anger I have built up around it. I hate what he did, I hate how much resentment I had built toward my mom thinking it was her fault. I've been spending the last month in a cycle of hate-sadness-numbness-anger and let me tell you it's exhausting. But there is also no other way than through. It is ok to let yourself feel, sometimes it can be scary to do that but it's for the best. Moving on from an experience does not exist, only learning to live with it. I still love my dad and he is still majorly involved in my life but it's also ok to still be angry. You just need to remember that your emotions, your experience is yours and it is valid. ~ E
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On November 4th 2023, something happened that completely changed mine and my family's life. It was a casual day, my Dad dropped me off at my friends house that morning, went home, had a cup of tea, and went for a walk, and just didn't come back. I waited at my friend's home for him to come pick me up but he didn't come so I took the bus back. I got home around 7PM, my dad left for his walk around 5 PM. I took my bike and went all over town searching for him for almost 2 hours. Around 9 I asked my neighbour to drive my dads car and look for him. Me, my mom and friend went to look everywhere for him just to find a police car right near the school. I asked the policeman happened. He was removing caution tape from that area. He asked me what my dad was wearing and then he said ‘If i show you a picture can you tell me if it's your dad’ He showed me the picture and my heart shattered as the picture was of my dad. The policeman told me that he got hit by a car and that he was taken to the hospital. The whole time I wondered if my dad was even alive. When I got to the hospital, they made me wait in a room and then a nurse came and met me and said that your dad is alive but he has endured a really serious brain injury. I went into the room and I saw him for the first time. I saw my mom crying, hitting his chest and asking my dad to wake up. I was frozen in the moment, I couldn't move, I was just standing there. Even typing this right now has got me frozen. He was on life support, with tubes and bruises everywhere. I had never thought that something like this would happen. I spent the night at the hospital while they transferred him at the ICU. That night, the doctors came and spoke to us and said that he could never wake up, that he had a serious brain injury and if he does wake up, he could have serious defects. As much as I wanted to cry, I couldn't. I had to take care of my mom, inform the whole family, talk to the police, talk to the staff and worry about my dad all at the same time. The next few weeks went by and dad still hadn't woken up despite being taken off of all sedation medicine. All I could think about was how much I loved him and about how better it would be if I had my family by my side. I was doing everything by myself. I was thinking about how life would be much easier if I had people I loved around me, even just my brother. I never realized how important my family is to me but now I know that they are my everything. My Dad slowly started getting up, at first he opened his eyes a bit and then a bit more, then he started moving his hands, his legs, he started responding to pain and everything came back with time. When he spoke his first words he said ‘where are my mom and dad’ and I cried so hard and finally felt some relief. My Dad didn't remember who I was or who anybody was, he just wanted his parents. He kept asking about his parents and where they were, without even knowing they passed 7 years ago. He too, realized how important family was that day. With time his memories all came back and now he is walking, talking, driving and more. He is on his recovery journey and so am I.
Gurleen As people nowadays we feel we need the comfort of others especially when you’re going through a tough time. It honestly took me a while to realise how much covid is affecting our world, talking about people who are in the hospitals. I was recently in the hospital for a surgery and I could only see my mom, which I’m not complaining about but I couldn’t see my dad or my brother that I hadn’t seen in a few days. They’re keeping as many people out of the hospital so that we can keep our cases the same or even lower. For me, experiencing what some people have everyday, like maybe they don’t even get to see one person because of their health condition, was very hard to think about. Noticing how important it is to keep your distance and follow all the covid guidelines that we are given so that these people are able to have company and not feel like they are trapped in one place especially care homes. The comfort of others, especially family members is a big part of peoples lives when they’re not at their best. Another thing that I started noticing more than before is how lucky I am to have my family and be able to be healthy. Sometimes I forget about the little things in my life that I am grateful for because I feel like it’s normal for everyone when it’s not. I am so grateful that my surgery went well and that I have good doctors on my case who are trying to figure out what’s wrong so they can help me. I knew that doctors were very caring for their patients and that they always do everything they can, to help you. I just didn’t realise all the things they go through in order to figure out what’s happening and how to help. I am so thankful for the amount of nurses we have for everyone that has covid, because all of the people taking care of them are making sure that they are comfortable, other than the fact they don’t feel well which they are trying to help with. Taking a few good things out of a bad thing that has happened made me realise that I am privileged and I should be grateful for that especially for the health care I received. Now I have started writing what I am grateful for every morning because I never really realise what have until I write it down because then the thought stays. Writing down what I’m grateful for makes my day better because then I am uplifted and I am more calm once I realise the little things in my life that matter. 2020 has not been my family's year, my moms work burnt down, my dad had a heart attack and then I had surgery. But one thing that has gone well is how my brother was drafted to the Kelowna rockets. Within everything, your family or your school life, you realise there is always something good. I challenge you to take one thing out of everything in your life that may have gone wrong and for you to find something good about it, no matter the situation, there is always going to be something good. If you haven’t had anything bad recently then think about something good that happened and why you are so happy that it happened. Sometimes it just takes a bit to realise it but once you do, it becomes something that lifts you up and keeps you positive no matter what is going on in your life. Taking a step back and seeing everything, everyone and the privileges we have can really change the way we see life. I found writing things down stuck with me longer, but maybe for you it stays a different way, everyone is different in the way that they have different interests and experiences.
https://thehill.com/opinion/healthcare/490828-no-visitors-allowed-we-need-humane-hospital-policy-during-covid-19 http://minimalistathome.com/yucky-stuff/ Tyler L. Let me indulge you for a moment. Think of a song that “brings back memories” and go listen to it. Now think about how that made you feel. When you listened to that song, could you see your surroundings? Could you hear the atmosphere? Could you feel the sensation of that moment? It's fascinating how music has the power to encapsulate a moment in time, allowing us to retrieve stored memories with just a few minutes worth of lyrics and melody. A couple of years ago I went on a trip to the South Pacific and Hawaii with my mom, my sister, my aunts and my Nani (grandmother). Every night while we were in Hawaii, we would all go for a nice stroll after dinner to observe the sights and beautiful scenery of Waikiki. The streets were crowded with lots of people so my sister and I would hold my Nani’s hand so that we could help her walk safely among the crowd. As we walked around, we would hear music being played by many of the restaurants, local shops, and hotel lobbies. I particularly remember a familiar song called Billie Jean by Michael Jackson being played outside a restaurant as we walked by. When I hear that song now I am instantly transported back to that time; I can see the smile on her face while I held her hand and I can feel the joy radiating from her while she walked alongside her family in Hawaii. This memory is very special to me because 3 months ago my Nani passed away and all I have left are the memories of the time I spent with her. It happened very unexpectedly and it has been a difficult time accepting her loss. I would never have thought of this as such a special moment until I recently heard this song again, and I could vividly relive the good time we had in the streets of Hawaii once again.
Even though there was a language barrier between us, music was one of the things that could always bring us together. I am afraid that my memories will fade but I know that everytime I hear the song I will be transported back to that time and I will be able to indulge in those moments. “Music is a total constant. That's why we have such a strong connection to it. Because a song can take you back instantly to a moment, or a place, or even a person. No matter what else has changed in you or the world, that one song stays the same, just like that moment.” Brianna J When 2017's New Year Day, it was a rainy day and I was at the airport. I came to Canada. I said goodbye without hugging my parents but turned around as fast as I could. I was afraid my tears would drop. I heard my mom sobbing, but I dared not look back. I never thought I would shed tears at the airport, but that day, I understood how hard it was to say goodbye without crying. At that moment, I did not know what would happen next. The first year of my international student's life was definitely full of challenges, and I was not happy at all. Nobody knew how much pressure I bore in this completely new environment, where I could barely speak English. Nobody knew and cared about my feelings. I could not understand them and I could not express my feelings. Sometimes, I even could not understand their jokes. But I did not want to be an outsider, and I followed them and laughed. I got their doubtful looks and also knew they were thinking, “Why is she laughing?” Nobody knew. Many times I wanted to escape, and just take the 10-hour flight home. I was always lonely and even desperate. Finally, in this battle, I raised the white flag, and I started to indulge myself for a long time. One day, I received a letter from my parents to expect about my future. I realized that I had kept disappointing my parents who devoted everything to me. I knew that my parents had high expectations of me. They dedicated everything to me. Shouldn't I spend my life trying to make my life more meaningful? Yes, I want to have a meaningful life and let my parents proud. Therefore, I decided to change. I started to step out of my comfort zone and talk to someone new. I tried to talk with my teachers, and they were all very patient because they knew that my English is not perfect. They gave me much encouragement and time to let me practice. I also made a few local friends. I tried to use English to tell the stories about my homeland, China. Although my English made these stories hard to understand, I received people's kind smile and approval. It seemed like life was not that hard. I said to myself, “Maybe I should be more positive and just enjoy it.” During this time, my family had been in constant contact with me, and I had been given great encouragement every time. Because of the change, I became happier and more hopeful day by day. Time passed quickly, and gradually, loneliness and nostalgia no longer afflict me. Nowadays, I feel so proud and honored with my own progress and the infinite love and support from my family. My dream is the force behind my better life. Last summer was the my first time back to China. When I went back to Canada, it was a rainy day again, just like the day when I left for the first time. It reminded me of my favourite poem by Russian poet Alexander Pushkin, “ If life cheats you, don’t be disappointed and worried. Calmness is needed in melancholy days. Believe that pleasantness is coming. Long for the bright future though you are unhappy. All will pass by and everything will be over. Past things will be pleasant memories. ” There were no tears at the airport
If you have a sibling you know the ups and downs of having to manage fights and arguments. You may also understand what it's like to be selfless and more sympathetic. Connected by blood siblings understand one another even if they are years apart. My sibling is my twin sister Hunter. When we were born, Hunter had no problems, but I did. I had Aortic Stenosis which is a heart condition that deals with how your valves pump blood to your heart. I had to get surgery only 24 hours after I was born. It was hard for my parents but they knew the doctors would take good care of me. Fast forward to the age of three, I had to have open heart surgery. I had what's called a ROSS procedure which took my existing aortic valve which is almost right in the centre, and replaced it with a healthy valve. Today my sister and I still wonder if this would have happened to her and not me. Of course who knows what would happen if she was in my position. I had been on medication called enalapril for my whole life up until last year. The Valve I had in my body at the age of three still pumps blood perfectly today. Without the need for medicine! My sister is one of my best friends, she is kind, smart and outgoing. I think about what life would be like without a twin. It’s scary. If you had a choice to have siblings or not, which would you choose? Now, being a fraternal twin does have an advantage to how my sister and I are not identical. We do NOT look exactly alike. Though we still have similarities in facial features and tiny ears, we are different people. If you have an older sibling who you see has been successful and smart. That is what you’d want for yourself. That motivation to be like them rubs off on you. If you have a sibling that is not as successful and skips class and fails many of their courses, that may not be the kind of person you’d want to look up to. Family is family, when I see that my sister is feeling sad or angry, I usually just sit on her bed and wait to see if she would want to talk. Siblings are there for each other through the good times in life, and the hard times. It’s important to acknowledge that keeping a close bond with your siblings is important for the future as we grow up. My grandfather and his brother had an argument over something that was powerful enough to have them not speak to each other for 10 years. They only just spoke in person for the first time this past summer since their dispute. They are on good terms as it is now, I could never imagine not speaking to my sister for that long over some silly argument. My grandfather told me he really enjoyed speaking to his brother again and wishes he had done it sooner. Though siblings fight and can hate each other at times. That hatred towards them can’t last forever. Think about how much you would miss your sibling if something bad happened to them and you left things on bad terms? If you think about your siblings or sibling, when was the last time you told them you loved them? I think being a twin is an advantage in some way because the age is the same and by having similar friends through elementary school and high school, has brought us closer as sisters. Sharing with one another about our day is also a great way of how we connect with each other. Life can throw you curveballs just like the one I got thrown at the age of three. My sister was with me through it all. My grandfather regrets how long it was to have no contact with his brother, I know that he wishes he could get those years back. The connections we make in our lives and the people we meet can come and go. Siblings are with you for life, whether you like it or not. Riley M
Shahi, Dulay, Legha, Saprai; the surnames which have woven into the creation of me as a human being. From profoundly within, one twisted yet graceful branch has rooted from thousands of years back. One reflects upon history and uncovers an ever so gradual evolution which has lead mankind to its present state. Janeva, derived from Janav of Sanskrit origin, is a name of significance to my ethnic community. Growing up in Richmond, British Columbia, I struggled to understand what made me stand out among my peers. I identified as a “person,” just as I thought everyone was. Years later, the concept which I, well after my fellow peers, came to realize was race. I was shocked to discover that the colour of one’s skin can make or break them, both mentally and physically. As a third generation Indo-Canadian, race and ethnicity play key roles in my identity, which further differentiate me from my peers. I grew up just as everyone else did in my community, though my differences sparked me to seek the true meaning of my heritage, which paved the path to who I am today. Last year, I travelled to northern India where I completed a volunteer based internship as an elective student at Christian Medical College in Punjab. The research portion of my internship allowed me to focus on my chosen subject of inquiry, which dealt with the effect of air pollution on respiratory diseases in India, such as typhoid and tuberculosis, in comparison with cases of similar grades of respiratory diseases in Canada. While in the department, I designated my time to practical work, case studies, medical research, and patient care. This experience provided me with the opportunity to pursue my career field of interest while gaining practical experience, as an honorary medical student, all while giving back to my ancestral community. My family is quite widely spread across the globe; this has been a barrier to my familial relationships, however, there is one family member in particular who has always been there to support me. When I think of family, Jarnel, my maternal uncle, comes to mind. He has consistently been physically present and has made the largest emotional impact on my life, among all others. Jarnel, a compassionate and intuitive man, was born with epilepsy, and grew up mentally challenged. The progression of his condition has caused him to develop difficulties with verbal communication and physical movement, though his cognitive abilities are yet far from diminishing. Jarnel comprehends his surroundings and communicates with modified language: a blend of basic English and Punjabi, as well as sign language. At moments of joy, he has embraced his smile, and at times of sorrow, he has empathized by example. Jarnel Singh Dulay is my role model; my influence to make a change in our vast world. The person I had grown to be and the qualities that I had developed sparked a moment of illumination for myself, one which would determine my future. Halfway through my internship at Christian Medical College and Hospital, I met Golu, a four year old boy who had been admitted to the pediatric ward ward with high fever, a hemoglobin level of 1, and signs of anemia. Golu was in the lab being prepped for his blood sampling test to determine his bone marrow levels. He was accompanied by his illiterate mother, along with his infant brother, to whom he was extremely attached. Upon being separated from his family prior to the procedure, Golu induced a state of panic. I attempted to hush the child, then rock him side to side, and finally sing. Sing. In a desperate attempt to calm and comfort the child, I pulled out my cell phone and played “The Wheels On The Bus,” a childhood favourite, positioning the device towards him. I began singing the song and mimicking the actions of the characters; gradually, the child deepened his breaths, and his cries became soft. His face began to lift, and he slowly grinned. The doctors laughed; mimicking their actions was Golu. He smiled back at me and began to laugh harder. I volunteered my time to make a greater impact on children like Golu, because I KNOW him. My uncle, who spent the entirety of his childhood in a hospital, motivated me to give back to my ancestral community and make a difference in the lives of patients undergoing health challenges. To be there for children the same way he has always been for me. A legacy.
The surnames which crafted the very me, have my blood and body. Migration, colonization, partition, immigration. My history lies in thy history. My heritage is sought to be from generations before me who devoted their lives to a better day. Janeva S Everyone has someone in their life who loves them whether it’s family or a significant other. There was a time in my life where I believed that I had no one who loved me. When I was 9 years old after a trip to Mexico, I suddenly started getting very sick. I did not want to get up in the morning, I was very pale, I had no energy, I didn’t eat anything, and I just sat in front of the fireplace all day. My parents took me to the doctors a few days later and all they said was that I had an infection and it would pass in a few days. A week later I was worse than before, I was barely able to get out of bed, never ate anything, and was always throwing up. My parents decided to take me Children’s hospital, where I spent most of my time over the next few weeks. Over those weeks I began to feel like the whole world hated me and everyone was out to punish me. I pushed everyone including my family, and friends. They all told me that they loved me no matter what happened but I didn’t believe them. After many exams and tests I was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease https://www.healthlinkbc.ca/health-topics/uf6003 , which is a lifelong disease involving inflammation of the small and large intestines. This was a shock to my family as I had always been a healthy kid. For the next few years I struggled a lot with keeping my disease under controlled with different meds and diets, as well as with believing that I had people who loved me. Everyday I had people tell me they loved me, but I still wasn’t sure that was true. I struggled a lot throughout most of life because of my older brother, because I believed my parents loved him more. I thought he was the smart kid, and never did anything wrong. I was wrong though. One night when I was 12 my brother sat me down in his room and told me that though he got good grades in school it wasn’t because he was that smart it was because he worked for it, he also told me that he was by far a perfect child and messed up just like every other kid. I felt a lot better after that. At the age of 13 my Crohn’s was in remission, and I was getting along better at home. I have had no symptoms since I was 13, with the help of meds https://www.healthline.com/health/crohns-disease/medications , and have helped other kids dealing with the same things as me. I occasionally still feel that I am not loved, but my family and friends remind me that’s not true. Whatever is happening in your life remind yourself no matter what you are loved. Christina C |
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