Throughout our lives, many little things make us feel uncomfortable. It can be as simple as sitting at a new desk or meeting a new group of people. No matter the scale, this feeling of discomfort forces us to step outside our comfort zone. Any new little thing that makes us uncomfortable can be scary, but being uncomfortable is a normal occurrence in our daily lives. Many people are born with the ability to be in the spotlight and are not afraid to put themselves out there. Unfortunately, for many others, it does not come as naturally. Putting yourself out there involves a different process for each person, but it is possible for everyone. It can either be excruciatingly hard or relatively easy, depending on how you feel in public and with new situations. Talking about putting yourself out there is an easy thing to do, but initiating the task in real life is not as easy. Last summer, I experienced a situation where I had to step outside of my comfort zone. I was asked to help volunteer coach field hockey for two little girls in my community. At first, I was ecstatic with this job since I love the sport and showing someone my passion always puts a smile on my face. However, the more I thought about it, the more nerve-wracking it became. Even though I view myself as more of a team player than a leader, I won't hesitate to speak up if needed. As I tend to stay more in the background, putting myself out there with planning and leading practices and drills was not easy. During the practice, I sometimes felt scared and nervous when providing feedback and helpful tips. I didn't want my input to offend or discourage the girls if taken the wrong way, even though I'm trying to help them by giving my advice. Within the first few weeks of practice, I had to learn to be more confident and not be afraid of the response I would get with voicing my opinions. Being more confident in myself was not an easy obstacle to overcome, yet the results of doing so have been quite beneficial to me. I might still be shy from time to time, but I find myself acting in ways to build my confidence on an everyday basis. Here are a few things I found that helped me become more confident:
For more ways or steps that help you with stepping out of your comfort zone, I recommend visiting these websites:
Kaya D
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Have you had such a moment when you might want to say “no”, but you still can't? Have you had such a moment when you end up saying “yes” only because you don’t want to hurt other people’s feelings, and then you feel unhappy and unpleasant? Have you had such a moment when you even try to be nice to others at the expense of yourself? For example, whenever you're asked for help, you always think about it, even if you have important work to do, even if you have to give away 2-3 hours or more for some requests, or give up sleep to catch up on your work. After a while, you may realize that this isn't helping you at all. You spend a lot of time and energy on others, but hardly as much on yourself. The situation is particularly frustrating because it is self-inflicted. So you need to learn to say “no”.
Why do we find it so hard to say “no”? To learn to say no, we must first understand what is holding us back. Here are five common reasons people find it difficult to say “no”: 1. You want to help. You don't want to turn people down. You want to offer help where possible, even if it might cost you time. This is when you need to consider that the other person may rely on you instead of learning to deal with their own problems. The short-term help you give to others actually hinders their long-term self-growth. 2. You are fear of being rude. I was brought up with the idea that it's rude to say no, especially to older people. This perception is common in Asian cultures, where saving face is important. Saving face means not making others look bad (or not making them look bad). 3. You want to appear easygoing and are afraid of conflict. If you turn them down, you worry that they will get angry. This could lead to an ugly confrontation. Even in the absence of conflict, disagreements can have negative consequences later. Thus, you choose to be submissive. 4. You are fear of losing opportunities or paying the price. Sometimes you feel that saying no to someone might annoy them and cost you some day. 5. You want to play it safe by keeping your options open. Some people take "no" as a signal to completely refuse something or somebody, thinking that doing so might lead to a "no way out" or a "break-off." If any of the above applies to you, I would like to tell you that these reasons are totally misunderstood. Saying "no" doesn't mean you're rude or that you're not easygoing. Saying "no" does not mean future conflicts or lost opportunities. Saying "no" doesn't mean you're done. These are all misconceptions in our minds. It's not the fact that you choose to say “no”, but how you say “no”, that affects the outcome. After all, you have your own priorities and needs, just as everyone has their own needs. Saying "no" has to do with respecting and valuing your time and space. The language to say “no”, permission to gracefully disappoint others, strategies for setting firm boundaries that honour one’s time and energy can appear selfish at first, but they are the pivotal tools for better self-care. It's your right to say “no”. Rookie H Have you ever been in a situation you are unhappy with? Well I have. When I arrived here in Canada I didn't have a good start. My host family wasn't there yet (they were still in europe on vacation) so I had to stay with their grandmother for ten days. She was super nice but she definitely didn't know what to do with me. At this time I didn't have any friends either so I was all alone in my room the whole time. I mean it was kind of my fault because I didn't do anything about it. I could have gone out and talked to some people I have met before but I was still in my german world so I stayed at home and did things that reminded me of germany, like watching weird american Youtubers talking about germany. I've never done that before but since I'm here I am just listening to german music for no reason. Of course I know about the big differences between the two countries, like the language but there are little things I try to ignore but they still make me crazy. For example the door handle, I am used to pushing it down but here you usually have to turn it to open. The doors just won't open that's why I run into every single door! But this Blog isn’t meant to be about me, it’s actually supposed to help you change things or situations you're unhappy with. Here is an idea of steps you can follow if you don't know how to start:
I did the same.
There were so many things I wanted to change but the worst thing for me, was that I had no friends. I still don't have any Canadian friends but that's ok at least I have tried to talk to some of them. I am still way too shy to just come up to kids and talk to them so I called a friend of mine, who is the most self-confident person I know and she actually yelled at me to get my act together be more outgoing and simply be myself, and that helped me so much, I’m so thankful for her little “speech”. The advice for the future i want to give is actually that if you want something to change you have to do it. you have to make the first step because it is your turn to handle things now . do not wait until someone reads your mind and to does it for you because that is not going to happen. And that's exactly what makes you independent and strong Viktoria D. Do you ever feel the eyes all around you staring at that piece of clothing you liked in the morning but now you feel like it was too bold and aren't confident in? This is a lack of self confidence. By google's definition, Self Confidence is a feeling of trust in one's abilities, qualities, and judgement. I read this website that has 7 blogs on self worth: pickthebrain.com/blog/the-7-best-blogs-on-self-worth/. These blogs made me really understand what self confidence is and gets me thinking about how to write this blog. I have a real issue with that feeling of eyes on me 24/7. I try and calm this feeling of doubt by complimenting myself (or I try my best to). Somedays are better than others. The steps I follow in calming myself down when I’m anxious is from this website: www.innerengineering.com. This website allows me to just be in my center of mind and not be so “shaky” meaning anxious. It also helps me overcome my terrors of being stared at. Self confidence isn’t just about buying the hip new clothes everyone else has, it's about having our own personality (style), and listening to your own kind of music. Personally I am not a huge rap fan, but I know most of my generation listens to music with profound lyrics and loud beats booming in their ears. But I listen to country music and folk etc. I am very hesitant when someone asks me to pick the next song. Standing up in front of a crowd or your classmates is really hard for most people.Just like me, when I think people judge me for picking a country song, I lack self confidence so I can't give my full potential to my class mates or my teachers. Sometimes I think I'm getting better at my confidence but then somebody says something at me or to me and then I'm back to where I started. If you ever feel like you aren't good enough or your body isn't how you like it? Just think, most people… no, everyone around you is feeling the same way and you are never alone. Self confidence only happens when you accept yourself for who you are. It is also something that can be worked on, you can improve yourself but not if you are constantly worrying about what people think of you. Crack open your shell, and spread your stylist wings and soar over the people who may say the wrong thing. If you see a kid you may not know really struggling, help them get their wings because you have your strong wings to lift them up. There are many aspects of confidence; I lack all of them. I always have and I sincerely hope that I’ll eventually acquire some tiny little morsel at the very least. The official definition of confidence is“A feeling of self- assurance arising from an appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities”. I’ve decided to narrow the big concept of “confidence” down to self-confidence. There are 3 main facets to self-confidence in my opinion, which are self- acceptance, self-esteem and self-efficacy: 1. Self-acceptance: To accept yourself you have to forgive your mistakes and faults whether its years ago or just yesterday. It is a human emotion to feel that we need to be “normal” but there are a few people who choose to be different and to be proud of their differences. Those people have accepted themselves and they’re generally happier, inspire other people and make a difference in the world. 2. Self-esteem: Self-esteem is all about your self-value and how important you think you are. Here is a list of important tips to keep in mind- ~ Don't over criticize yourself. ~ Reflect on your good qualities every day to remind yourself how great you are. ~ Set achievable goals and then achieve them at your own pace. ~ Remind yourself that there is no such thing as “perfect” and nobody has the right to expect you to be. ~ Accept your mistakes and move on, if you dwell on them it will only bring your self-esteem down. ~ Make an effort to be kind to the people surrounding you and who are in your life, you will view yourself as a nice person. ~ Don't compare yourself to other people. ~ Spend your time with supporting and loving people. Another approach to self-esteem is self-love; before loving anyone else, you have to love yourself. Many people strive to demonstrate their worth to other people such as their friends to get approval, but in my opinion you only have to approve and love yourself. If you feel the need to prove yourself to your friends then maybe they aren’t really good people to call “friends”. Some people may say that this is very selfish to love yourself before other people, and I don't completely disagree with that. There is a fine line between confidence and cockiness; you can love yourself but not too much love that you are self-centered. To make sure that you aren’t giving yourself too much love, check in with yourself every day. 3. Self-efficacy: Self-efficacy is your belief in your ability to succeed in or
achieve a specific goal/task. I think self-efficacy is very important because is you don’t believe that you can succeed then you will most likely not try. Self-efficacy and self-confidence are widely though to be the same thing, but in reality, as I mentioned previously, self-efficacy is the belief of your abilities that you will complete a specific task. Self-confidence is the overall belief that you will complete multiples tasks. Confidence is important because it impacts your successes and your happiness, and therefore you as a person. Self-acceptance, self-esteem and self-efficacy all are a big part of confidence and can help you grow as a person and improve your life. I’m not saying that everyone should be confident to have a good successful life, because some people just aren’t confident and that's ok. As long as you love yourself and you are happy with your life, you’ll be fine, although confidence and mainly self-confidence can improve your life and enrich your experiences. Just be happy. Georgia F I know what it’s like standing in a room packed with people that you have NEVER seen before. You immediately freeze up; your palms get sweaty, and your brain starts looping. This is what being nervous resembles… You are nervous because you are shy, and you are shy because you are lacking confidence! Let’s explore some reasons as to why you are shy, and how you can become more confident! Shyness (or being shy) is defined as quote Google, “being reserved or having or showing nervousness or timidity in the company of other people.” Now, let’s break this down into some terminology that is easily comprehensible: Being shy simply means that you get a little nervous around new people. Certain individuals also suffer from anxiety, which is defined as being worried about future events. An example that ties into all three of these interconnected characteristics is stage fright; this doesn’t have to necessarily be the fear of taking and performing on stage. This classifies as day to day presentations, and even putting your hand up to answer a question in class, meetings, and even seminars. It is the fear that is pushed on your back when everyone’s attention is diverted to YOU. Once again, this ties back to being nervous around people that you don’t know. As Stefan from Project Life Mastery covers briefly in his video on how to overcome anxiety, fear and being self-concious may cause you to be shy, limiting one’s comfort zone. Though comfort zones can leave you feeling left out in certain situations, they do heavily contribute to your safety and reassurance, but only in your mind. Stefan touches on the fact that he was a shy child; he would sit in his room all alone, investing his valuable time in playing video games because his fear of interaction held him back. Today, he has overcome that fear by putting his personal feelings and psychological setbacks aside, and simply putting himself out there in this immense world. I fully agree that it is tough to take a step in a direction that you may not be familiar or comfortable with, but once you take it, you simply keep going. Even a simple “hello” to someone on the street, or starting small talk with a classmate that you have never spoken with. This will not only contribute to your overcoming, but also to others that may be in the same boat as you. I recently attended a youth council meeting for my school district, at which several students from schools all across the district were present. Being new to the council and one of the youngest students there, I was, to an extent, freaking out! Not literally, but I did keep myself very reserved and I felt that I did not contribute to the discussion as much I would have liked to. It wasn’t that I didn’t have the ideas circling through my brain, but I was deficient in the lack of my confidence and courage that was needed to raise my hand and speak my mind with the spotlight on me. Over the years, I have become less and less shy, as my pursuits do not allow me to stay under the radar and get away without contribution; therefore, I had to push through the sweat,the “ums” and “ahs,” and simply give myself power. Every time I spoke in front of people, I got better and better. From simple class presentations, to district speech competitions, to council meetings, and even speaking to people at a national level - I have been in a great deal of situations. This does not mean that I am an expert and that I am not shy at all; I still go through the common anxiety before speaking, but from all the practice, once I get up there and utter my first few words, I feel the confidence that I never thought I would - and all it took was one step in that forbidden direction. That forbidden step is one that is discussed by Lori Deschene from the Tiny Buddha in 8 ways to be more confident ; if the effort is not made, you will not see results. You can stay the way you are, afraid of failure and embarrassment, or you can defy all odds, and strive to the other side of the spectrum. It may be a rocky road, but how else are you supposed to learn and gain experience? Confidence isn’t something will come to you instantly; you have to work for it and dedicate yourself. It all depends on your drive and willingness to achieve success. Now get up: Think of the future, your dreams, goals, and aspirations. What do you want most? Take for instance Darren Hardy, who in his video The 3x Philosophy, mentors viewers to take their goals and multiply them by three. He essentially wants individuals to think BIG, because the most difficult component of all this is taking that first initial step - after that, it’s a piece of cake to continue because you will already be on the road to success. It’s all about putting yourself out there… Are you willing to sacrifice a little? If yes, your confidence will come naturally! Janeva S |
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