How to forgive? What does it mean to forgive? Is it easy? What does it do? The power of forgiveness is a healing process, not only let go of hatred and avoiding it to take you over, it’s the trust of its power to heal the pain. Today, at this moment, my family is going through a process of being able to forgive after a dreaded painful 7 years of no communication. Sending birthday cards or Christmas gifts doesn't solve the problem, it doesn't take away the pain of the past. In situations like those saying “I forgive you” isn't the same as doing it. It’s just a word right! You can’t forgive if you don't know what happened to you in the situation. What affected you, and others, for what reason, and why. So why do we need to forgive? There isn't any shortcuts to healing or moving on, neither is it gonna save you or others, it’s not designed to do that. It’s designed to set you free! Free from all the pain that has been in you, the pain that kept piling up full of anger, confusion and hatred, all of those emotions will depend on your decision that will release the resentment towards a person or a group who has harmed you.
Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting, nor does it mean condoning. Though forgiveness can help a damaged relationship, it doesn't obligate you to rebuild the connection. Instead it brings the forgiver a peace of mind and frees their pain and anger. This TED Talk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOzJO6HRIuA really opened my eyes and made me realize that I'm lucky for who I have in my life, not only made me feel the pain of the struggles they went through, they made me realize that forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. In my life I have forgiven before but did I really know why I was forgiving, not quite sure, but I knew my part of the story, and stories, we are the ones who hold the power to change them. Although the details of our lives may be different, but the parts where we are stuck in pain throughout parts of our lives are the same. I encourage you to change the path and rebuild your life, because things that held you down will one day hold you up. Amelie.G
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About 3 months ago I endured a rather traumatic breakup that did and still does affect me everyday. No, it wasn't my own breakup. My older brother Jack decided to break up with his girlfriend, Mihaela, after almost 4 years of dating with only one break in the middle of their relationship. To this this day she is the most caring, hard working and selfless person I have ever met, so it’s not hard to see why over the years she became my best friend and still is. Mihaela is a year older that Jack so she graduated a few years ago. The day she graduated was the same day that her parents and 2 sisters moved to the island without her. She was starting at SFU that fall but had nowhere to live for the entire summer so she came to live with us. For the next 3 years she lived with us on and off and the longest I wouldn't see her was about a week, but usually she would be over every couple of days. After the break up I didn't see her for over 3 months, and the first month I really didn’t respond well. I was in a constant depressed state, didn’t want to do anything, and my relationship with Jack was damaged because I blamed him for the whole ordeal. I wasn’t sure how to bring it up but I really wanted to talk about it because things became awkward and I knew that Jack wanted to talk about it as well. I decided to look up how to bring up tough conversations and I came across this blog that I used for help because I really didn’t want to mess up my relationship with my brother. So one night when the opportunity presented itself, we ended up having a long and really nice conversation- one of the best and most impactful conversations I can remember ever having with him. I realised that this conversation was needed and the end result was better than I expected, we’re a lot closer and I can now get to know Jack’s new girlfriend without feeling guilty or mad. “Real talk” will come up in everybody's lives multiple times for different reasons, so it’s better to be prepared than to not know what the hell to do. “Fake it till you make it” won’t always work, especially when it involves important relationships. When one of these inevitable conversations comes up, here are some tips to help you through it:
In the end, you can’t control the other person’s behavior and how they’re going to act but you can control yourself and hopefully improve the situation by considering what you want to do. Ultimately, if this person is really important to you, like how my brother is to me, you don't want to lose them in any way so having these conversations are necessary. Not addressing a situation can get really awkward and end badly, so might as well keep it real and talk about it. Georgia F Throughout the final term in this school year I have been more laid back and enjoying myself outside of school more than focusing on my schoolwork, which hasn’t really taken a hit, but with me taking more time for myself, I have found that I have become a much more positive and relaxed person. Maybe it is due to the new people that I have met outside/inside of school, or maybe it is just that I am more happy with myself as a person. I’ve found myself searching for people who have just a good vibe/energy to them, people who aren’t fake and like you for the person that you are. I don’t want to write some sappy blog because that isn’t the person that I am, some of the things that make me more positive are very simple. I find myself having these “holy fuck” moments, now these moments can be simple, or just a sudden realization, such as me listening to music differently and going “holy fuck I didn’t know it was about that”, or hanging out with friends and looking back like “holy fuck that was fun”. Looking back at these moments make me laugh and realize that I have started to appreciate the small things in my life, and enjoying the time I have left in high school. The people that I have recently met over the past school year, have been people that I see as friends when I am an adult, people that I can trust, who I know will be there for me. I found out this year that some of my closest friends weren’t truly my friends, which hurt a bit, and left me confused, but ultimately searching for more real people. I think that this experience has taught me a lot about people, but it taught me that I am better than fake friends. This experience will lead me into adulthood and hopefully make me a better man. I don’t think the search is all that difficult, because most of those people have been
there the whole time, you just had to get to know them more. I kind of glad this happened, because if it didn’t, I still be in that same spot, with friends who I was just kinda friends with, and that was it, not people that I talked to outside of school, went to parties with, or did things with, I wouldn’t be as positive if I was in that same position. Now with university and graduation around the corner, I’ll start to meet new people and will have a different perspective when it comes to choosing who I associate with, and who I am friends with. Still, I love my “holy fuck” moments, and when I realize I am having one, I instantly have a slight chuckle, and I hope I have have many more in the future. Jake V What's the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word trust? Maybe a certain person, specific scenario or just the feeling of being able to tell someone anything knowing it will stay between you two. It's an assured reliance on the character and truth of someone. For most people trust is something that is earned, not just given because the act of trust involves a lot of personnel details and actions therefore it shouldn't be giving out randomly. Trust is one of if not the most important parts in any relationship. It doesn't matter if it's between parent and child, boyfriend and girlfriend, teacher and student, trust is a big factor. I personally value trust alot and have a strong feeling of it with all my friends and family members. My closest friends are the people I talk to about all my problems and issues in life, and they are always there for me. My parents are also extremely trustworthy and know pretty much everything about me. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pVeq-0dIqpk In order to gain someones trust you need to be honest and loyal to them. Be real and don't give them any reason to doubt your authenticity by lying or screwing them over. On the contrary, when it comes to you trusting someone it all comes down to personal opinion and views.You might trust someone with your deepest secrets while someone else doesn't trust them at all. All in all, trust is something that is earned not given. It is extremely important in every relationship and it can separate the real from the fake.
Jack C People have several turning points in their life. Have you passed that already? Now that I think about it, I have a big turning point in my life… The word LGBTQ has become established worldwide now. I wonder how many people understand the word and the people. First of all, what does LGBTQ stand for? Lesbian A lesbian is a female homosexual: a female who experiences romantic love or sexual attraction to other females. Gay Gay is a term that primarily refers to a homosexual person or the trait of being homosexual. Gay is often used to describe homosexual males but lesbians may also be referred to as gay. Bisexual Bisexuality is romantic attraction, sexual attraction or sexual behaviour toward both males and females, or romantic or sexual attraction to people of any sex or gender identity; this latter aspect is sometimes termed pansexuality. Transgender Transgender is an umbrella term for people whose gender identity differs from what is typically associated with the sex they were assigned at birth. It is sometimes abbreviated to trans. Queer Queer is an umbrella term for sexual and gender minorities that are not heterosexual or cisgender. Queer was originally used pejoratively against those with same-sex desires but, beginning in the late-1980s, queer scholars and activists began to reclaim the word. Questioning The questioning of one’s gender, sexual identity, sexual orientation, or all three is a process of exploration by people who may be unsure, still exploring, and concerned about applying a social label to themselves for various reasons. These information from https://ok2bme.ca/resources/kids-teens/what-does-lgbtq-mean/. If you want to know more about LGBTQ→https://www.wearefamilycharleston.org/lgbt-a-z-glossary/. The reason I am introducing this word is because I am part of the LGBTQ community. I am Transgender. I didn't like my body and voice becoming a girl since I was a child. My body sex is a girl, but my mind sex is a boy, so I am romantically interested in girls. Sometime people think that that is the same as lesbian, because I become like girl as girl's body, but it's totally different. When I was in junior high school, I belonged to the girl 's basketball team. We tell all of things to each other, trusting, going out together, sleepover at weekend, they were unmistakably my best friends. At that time, I fell in love with a girl on the same team. I had no odd feelings that I liked that girl; I didn't even try to hide it. As time goes by, everyone in the team knew that fact. And they began to ignore me and began to do malicious bullying. I didn't know why I was being bullied. Because I fell in love with girl? I wondered at that time, why can’t I fall in love with a girl? Just my body sex is girl, but my mind sex is boy. Is that only reason they bullying me? If so, what is the reason for bullying? If I fell in love with a girl in the form of a girl, did they think that I will become a monster at night or I suddenly lose myself and begin to hurt them? What makes you feel hatred for those people who do not match the mind sex and body sex? Can friendship relations be broken so easily? I couldn’t stop thinking those doubts. From this time I began to think about what is "Real friends". Now that I think about it , that event was definitely a turning point in my life. Every turning point may not be pleasing for your life, but you can definitely change it to a wonderful one. There is no need only one turning point. If you reach the worst turning point, next time you can strive to reach the best turning point. Now, I don't think I have many friends. I never thought of it as embarrassing. Because I can call them my best friend(or real friend) with confidence. My home mother often says this, "There is no need to be can normal person. It's too boring. I like weird. I like the person who are different from other people rather than normal people". Perhaps she may have said this unconsciously, but I have been saved many times in these words. I don't know the definition of real friend. I don’t even want to look for it. No matter how serious, painful or pitiful it is, I call the person real friend who tries to understand and stay with me.
My lesson for you: ・It is better to have fewer real friends than many fake friends. ・People who "just" hang out with you might not be real friends. ・People who fully understand you are rare and precious. Kai I Definition: “the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected” -Google Dictionary So just think, basically you have a relationship with anyone you have interacted with. That means we all have a shit ton of relationships… friends, family, teachers, etc.- the list goes on forever. They can be great and positive but a lot of the time you may find that you have plenty of negative relationships for stupid little reasons that just sit there. Especially when you have petty and annoying immature people involved, so high school right? It seems as if you need way more positive relationships to outweigh the negative ones. Thats why its so important that you do your best to not piss people off for no reason, because the negative relationships have way more of an effect on you then the positive ones. Relationships just seem to get harder as we grow up, but i'm hoping they eventually get easier. When we were little it was great, we had a best friend or two and literally anyone could be our new best friend after a minute. As school continues our friend groups change and people do mean stuff to people or people over react and it just turns into a never ending shit show. There is literally a million things that you could do or not do to piss someone off and a great relationship that you depend on can go right down the drain. But there is normally some time to fix things but that is when so many people do the wrong thing out of anger or other emotions and that relationship could end indefinitely. Or you do the right thing and get pass whatever happened and you become closer and understand one another better. This is just too complicated. “The better you know yourself, the better your relationship with the rest of the world” -Toni Collette I guess that why friendships and relationships at young ages are so complicated? Who knows, just blame it on the hormones. And not to be sexest or anything but why are girls friendships so petty and complicated!!! That I still don’t understand, but here is a great blog to look at if you care to venture into that scary subject. Relationships have so much of an effect on us. They can control our lives or our moods and even other relationships. They can lead us to great depression and misery and confusion or be the reason we overcome such things in our lives. On the other hand they can be the best thing in the world. Those people who you love so much and bring you so much happiness to your life can be the most important things in ones life. So many people take so many relationships that they have for granted, and that truly is one of the saddest facts. Such fragile things that can mean the world to us or be the end of our world. That's your choice. You chose if you are going to remain hateful. You chose to forgive or forget. You chose what to dwell on. You chose who is in your life. You might not always make the best decision at the time but you can chose to learn from those mistakes.
Relationships are an amazingly important thing for us. So take a while and look at yours, it could change your life. You have the power to change them for the better and worse. Use that power appropriately. Matthew F Do you sometimes feel insecure? I believe many people have such experience: After chatting with someone you like, or after communicating with your big boss, people often regret what they said wrong, and which behavior is somewhat stumbling. In fact, these are the manifestations of psychological anxiety. Many people are eager to deny themselves, instead of objectively analyzing the facts, they immersing themselves in self-blame, and suffering in their feelings. In fact, the other people may not have noticed which sentence you missed or which action did not perform well. This is not a bad thing, and many people share these issues with us. We just need to find a solution to the problem. The family environment played a crucial role in the character-building phase of a child's childhood. Why do I say that? Like many parents who do nothing by themselves, but they blame their children for not learning, not working hard. Many people around me encounter pressure and problems at work, at love, or even in family relationships. First of all, they do not analyze the problem objectively, but instead suspicion and denial of themselves, they fall into self-blame and chagrin. If people fall into failure they end up without confident, than they fail again, and even less self-confident. This will become an endless loop. A Primer in Positive Psychology, written by American psychologist Christopher Peterson, puts forward many good psychological adjustment methods, simply summarizing translations: when we make mistakes and blame others; At the time of regret, many of us first felt that we were having problems. After we began to blame ourselves we also blamed others and complained. The end result is that the problem has not been solved, but on the contrary, it becomes very painful. The method of analyzing problems in "Positive Psychology" is: firstly analyze why it happened. Is this bad thing mainly due to environmental factors? Or because of their own factors? Through the objective relationship, we can solve the problem very well. In many cases, it may not be our personal reason, because some objective factors and other people's influence cannot be controlled by us. Many people often do not consider these issues and do not pursue other people's responsibilities. Instead, they are accustomed to seeking problems from themselves, and often fall into self- reproach and humiliation. The no sense of security can be explained that you fear that what you care about will be out of your control. Many people are accompanied by some anxiety and worry but these can be relieved through self-regulation. The potential dangers in everyday situations and the tendency to evade certain activities. The more worried you are, the stronger the desire for control. There is a psychology called “deprivation of the super mechanism” for the explanation of the causes of control. Once you have a "deprived of control over the one thing you care about, you lose
it," the more insecure your heart becomes, the stronger your desire for control becomes. This is why many people also have a strong desire for control in a relationship, mainly because they are afraid of losing and being afraid to stay away. It is not difficult to solve them, except for the methods mentioned at the beginning. There is also other different ways that help with it. Find more way of creating emotional safety in relationships: http://www.livingwellcounselling.ca/creating-emotional-safety-in- relationships/ When we encounter problems, we must first go and relieve our emotions. When we are in pain, we must refrain from refusing ourselves. We must first analyze the situation and try to understand our emotions, then we must regulate them. Over time, you will feel safe. Finally, a small tip When there is no sense of security in love, you just need to calm done, and do something that makes you happy. Life is short, if someone do not like you, you will always figure out. Jennifer C The concept of social boundaries is an important cultural component to our society. It is necessary to adhere to certain boundaries in order to maintain order in our society. One could ask what exactly does crossing a social boundary mean? It is not appropriate in polite society to tell someone what you really think of them, when you don’t like them. Crossing this ‘personal’ boundary could hurt their feelings and this is negative and inappropriate. Another example of crossing social boundaries is when you start to bring personal problems into the workplace. As much as your coworkers may ask you how are things going, it would be inappropriate to tell them all of your existing problems. They don’t really want to hear them anyway. Crossing certain boundaries can lead to emotional and political problems in your personal and work life. I guess some exceptions are accepted when crossing social boundaries. Are these exceptions influenced by society or by your own judgment? They can be influenced by both and they can be valid exceptions. However, if you're solely relying on your own judgment, you're going to cross some boundaries that will cause you to question your decision. For example, I had a friend that was in an abusive relationship and she wasn’t really seeing it; she was in denial. One day she called me to tell me that her boyfriend wouldn’t let her leave the house the night before and had put his hands on her. I just remember screaming at her for a solid five minutes that she had to break up with him. I had no filter and after that, I realized that I shouldn't had told her to “break up with him right now!” However it wasn't the first time someone had said this to her and eventually she did get out of the relationship. At this point one could say that it was proper to say something in this situation as the result was positive. There is also a negative side to crossing boundaries. I lost a friendship because I crossed boundaries and said things to this friend, when it was not my place or business to say anything. I betrayed a confidence that a friend had told me in private. I ended up telling this private matter to another friend. Of course, my friend was very upset once she found out that I had betrayed her and our trust was broken. I certainly learned from this mistake. She was very hurt and rightly so. Sadly, we are no longer friends. In a nutshell, boundaries are here for a reason and sometimes they are crossed. But it’s what you do next that really matters. It is always important to learn from one’s mistakes and to understand that boundaries do exist in society for a reason. Long ago, society was very strict and formal. People adhered to many strict boundaries within their own culture. It was important that women act a certain way for example and that they adhered to a strict moral code. Men too also had to follow certain rules. They were the ‘breadwinners’ of the family and had to act and dress accordingly. Thankfully, our society today is less strict. However, it is important to still retain certain social codes of behaviour in order to maintain civility in our society. It will be interesting to see where our world will be culturally in this aspect, in the next 100 years. Latham A Did you value someone’s ideas years ago but not anymore? I had someone that I looked up to when I was little but a few years ago that changed. Google defines a relationship as “the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected”. There are relationships in which love is involved but there are also those in which its just yourself. The foundation of loving yourself is self love. Maybe you don’t like the way you look or you just want to change, some people say that you can’t but if you want to and you put your mind and effort in it then you can change anything about yourself. Relationships with anybody isn’t always easy, and overtime they will change and you may decide that some relationships aren’t worth your time or energy and others you may want to work out and try. I know that I had someone who I looked up to or admire but as I got older my perception of them changed drastically and no longer look up to them. One of my relationships is one of the most important relationships that I have and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. The relationship that I have with my older brother is one of my favorite and special relationships, if I want to talk to him about anything he will always be there, and if there’s something I don’t want to talk to my parents about he will be there and will not judge. He will just sit and listen and comfort me. InMind Your Reality http://www.mind-your-reality.com/change_your_relationships.html, Tonia Ross talks about how your relationships mirror you and your beliefs. I think that this is true that what ever you believe in and care about will affect any relationships that you have whether that relationship is with yourself, with a family member or a romantic relationship. No matter what relationship your in romantic or not they can change and will keep changing as life goes on. Christina C
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