What is comparison? Comparison can be defined by, “a consideration or estimate of the similarities or dissimilarities between two things or people.” As of right now nobody can fully explain why we do compare ourselves although professionals have narrowed it down to 2 types of comparison; upward and downward. Upward comparison is defined by comparing ourselves to people who have shown greater success than us. Downward comparison is when we tend to compare ourselves to people that have accomplished less than what we have. We’ve probably all compared ourselves to someone at some point in our lives. Sometimes we even can use it as a tool for reassurance to collect information from others. Sometimes when we were younger our parents would compare us to our friends, because they were more helpful or cooperative around our parents so they would sometimes say something like, “Why can’t you be as helpful as ***”. A little healthy competition can definitely be a good thing for trying to better yourself or use someone's successes to inspire you and motivate you to be a better person. However there are also many negative elements present in comparison. Especially with social media, we have normalized that especially for young girls, that they should look perfect at such young ages, such as 13 and older. For our generation, I think we have grown up with the normalization of comparison at such young ages of our lives where we didn’t have enough maturity to understand that social media is fake. So why would we compare ourselves to something unreal? This is the negative side of comparison. Many studies have shown that social comparison can guide you into feelings of guilt and sadness. Comparaison can vary in many different forms depending upon the type. Upward comparison has shown to lower our self esteem because if you always only compare yourself to people that you think are better than yourself, you are already going into the mindset that you are less than them, which is not true, because everyone has different factors that shape who they are. Downward comparison in research has been shown that it is proven as more effective as being positive for yourself, because when you compare yourself to someone who is “inferior” to you that can make you look/feel better. In my mind both these types are toxic to your mental health because it either causes you to look down on yourself, or causes you to look down on others around you. A really important thing about comparison that isn’t talked about enough is the fact that every single person is different so no person can look and act the exact same. For my own personal experience with comparison I’ve always found it to be a negative experience. Now that I am older and more mature I can understand the difference between “positive and negative” comparisons. For myself when I was younger I would find myself comparing myself to a few of my friends not even considering factors which affected the situation.
When comparing myself for instance when I was younger and when I used to do dance, I would compare myself a lot to the people around me thinking to myself, “wow, they’re so good, why can’t I be as good as them?”. This was a really bad way to look at my progress. Now that I’m older and I do rethink situations like that when I did compare myself I realize that I didn’t even consider why they were “better” than I was. Now I can reflect and can see they had more experience as they’ve been doing it since they were little and I joined much later than them, so it makes sense they are more experienced than myself. Brooke
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Social connections are for people. However, with all friendships and relationships we make, many emotions come along with it including the feeling of “missing”. The official definition from Google for the word missing is, “not present; absent or lost”. But why do we even feel the emotion of missing? When we miss someone, it means that we really care about them and value them. You can miss someone for many different reasons. Maybe, you miss someone who passed away, someone who was once a close friend, or simply someone who has moved away. I am an international student visiting from Frankfurt, Germany. I said good bye to my family, my friends and my dog. I wanted to come to Canada to experience new things and create new memories. Here I have found new friends and a wonderful second family. Despite all the good, there is still a huge part missing. Not having certain special people in your life can hurt or can even make you feel empty. It feels like a part of you is lost or stuck somewhere else. Sometimes it is a constant feeling (especially when the "wounds" are fresh) and sometimes the emotion comes in unexpected waves. It can be triggered by simple things like food, songs, smells, or other random things that reminds us of this person. It is not just a feeling or something in your head, it is also expressed physically. You can get headaches or stomach pains easily, or maybe you just feel exhausted. You can have sleep problems, and your thoughts keep you awake, or you do not have the energy or motivation to get up and experience the day without this person. Missing someone can also affect your appetite or your ability to concentrate. For me personally, it also feels like a huge weight on my shoulders and pressure on my heart. Furthermore, scientists proved that the resulting stress reduces the immune system functions which means you can get sick easier. It is okay to feel all this emotion, and it is not a bad thing at all. It shows how important this person is to you and that you want to have them in your life. This is actually a beautiful thing.
Even though, it is important to accept this feeling and not push it away, you should try not to get hung up on it. It does not mean you should not think about them, recall memories or talk to them, if that is even possible. However, it is important to not overthink or drown in memories because the goal is to feel better, and not to feel hurt or sad. You can try out new things, get distracted and meet new people. You can also write them a letter; tell them you miss them or meditate. I would recommend talking about this emotion with someone. Sharing feelings, helps me personally to take some weight off my shoulders. And most importantly: always remember this feeling of “missing” will not last forever! Laetitia Anyone ever feel like their mind is a little too busy for comfort? Or maybe a lot too busy to function? Whether that's through daily interactions, school, work, personal care etc. that's been me the past month and a half. Exhausting I know… It also just so happens to be that time of year where seasonal depression hits a little harder than expected especially with the holidays right around the corner. I totally missed my blog date and this just happens to be part of the reason why. I'm not the type to get into too much detail but this seems to be the place to do so here we go. I hate the holidays, I know it is controversial but I do. Maybe not the holidays itself, more so that I miss spending it as a family, a whole family. It was late November, the 24th to be exact, in 2018 when my dad told my mom he wanted out. Out of their marriage, their commitment. I didn't understand it. He told us that he couldn't be a good dad and a good husband at the same time without breaking himself in the process. I remember being scared questioning if that meant he wanted nothing to do with me or my brothers. I thought I was losing my dad. In the first few days after that I helped my dad buy a new bed and move into a spare room. I clinged to every moment I could, hid my sadness because I didn't know what else to do. Within the month to my knowledge at the time he started dating his current partner. I got even angrier not understanding how he could be with someone else so quickly after leaving my mom, my family. Earlier this November I finally let all those emotions flood back in after keeping them out of reach for years trying to support my two brothers and my mom emotionally. This was the first year on November 24th that I didn't hear anything from my mom about my dad, the first year she wasn't breaking down and crying, this was the first year she seemed better. It was earlier this December that I found out that my dad in fact did cheat on my mom after years of denying it. Four days my not seem like a lot but to me it's not just the four days he was involved with another woman it's the multiple years after that, that he denied it and lied about it, it's the fact that I was the only person he told directly, it's the fact that I was the one to tell my mom that the man she has been married to for twenty years had cheated on her, the fact I told my brother the truth. I cannot even express how much anger I have built up around it. I hate what he did, I hate how much resentment I had built toward my mom thinking it was her fault. I've been spending the last month in a cycle of hate-sadness-numbness-anger and let me tell you it's exhausting. But there is also no other way than through. It is ok to let yourself feel, sometimes it can be scary to do that but it's for the best. Moving on from an experience does not exist, only learning to live with it. I still love my dad and he is still majorly involved in my life but it's also ok to still be angry. You just need to remember that your emotions, your experience is yours and it is valid. ~ E On November 4th 2023, something happened that completely changed mine and my family's life. It was a casual day, my Dad dropped me off at my friends house that morning, went home, had a cup of tea, and went for a walk, and just didn't come back. I waited at my friend's home for him to come pick me up but he didn't come so I took the bus back. I got home around 7PM, my dad left for his walk around 5 PM. I took my bike and went all over town searching for him for almost 2 hours. Around 9 I asked my neighbour to drive my dads car and look for him. Me, my mom and friend went to look everywhere for him just to find a police car right near the school. I asked the policeman happened. He was removing caution tape from that area. He asked me what my dad was wearing and then he said ‘If i show you a picture can you tell me if it's your dad’ He showed me the picture and my heart shattered as the picture was of my dad. The policeman told me that he got hit by a car and that he was taken to the hospital. The whole time I wondered if my dad was even alive. When I got to the hospital, they made me wait in a room and then a nurse came and met me and said that your dad is alive but he has endured a really serious brain injury. I went into the room and I saw him for the first time. I saw my mom crying, hitting his chest and asking my dad to wake up. I was frozen in the moment, I couldn't move, I was just standing there. Even typing this right now has got me frozen. He was on life support, with tubes and bruises everywhere. I had never thought that something like this would happen. I spent the night at the hospital while they transferred him at the ICU. That night, the doctors came and spoke to us and said that he could never wake up, that he had a serious brain injury and if he does wake up, he could have serious defects. As much as I wanted to cry, I couldn't. I had to take care of my mom, inform the whole family, talk to the police, talk to the staff and worry about my dad all at the same time. The next few weeks went by and dad still hadn't woken up despite being taken off of all sedation medicine. All I could think about was how much I loved him and about how better it would be if I had my family by my side. I was doing everything by myself. I was thinking about how life would be much easier if I had people I loved around me, even just my brother. I never realized how important my family is to me but now I know that they are my everything. My Dad slowly started getting up, at first he opened his eyes a bit and then a bit more, then he started moving his hands, his legs, he started responding to pain and everything came back with time. When he spoke his first words he said ‘where are my mom and dad’ and I cried so hard and finally felt some relief. My Dad didn't remember who I was or who anybody was, he just wanted his parents. He kept asking about his parents and where they were, without even knowing they passed 7 years ago. He too, realized how important family was that day. With time his memories all came back and now he is walking, talking, driving and more. He is on his recovery journey and so am I.
Gurleen |
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