For as long as I can remember, I’ve always felt as if the people around me in my life had things they expected from me. Whether it was school, sports, or extracurricular activities I always got the sense that I needed to go above and beyond the norm to show them who I was and my potential as a person. I still feel like this sometimes now. Being the second born child of 2 immigrants who came from poor backgrounds made these feelings of having to reach expectations even stronger, because if they successfully settled here with no more than 100$ dollars in their pockets 20 years ago then why shouldn’t I do something outstanding considering the platform they’ve given me from birth? Watching my older sister make my parents proud by achieving things in multiple areas in her life amplified the amount of effort I put in so that I could be at the same level as her. I played many sports like swimming, soccer and dance. I played the violin in an orchestra, took music theory lessons, joined school clubs, programs and anything else that I thought would meet other people's expectations. Doing all of these things for most of my childhood burned me out, I'm not going to lie. I enjoyed it, don't get me wrong but it was definitely a lot. But my coaches saw my effort in sports and praised me for it, my music teachers told me how talented of a musician I was, and my teachers at school would congratulate me on going above and beyond academically. What made me the happiest of all was when my parents would tell their family and friends back in their home country all of the things I was accomplishing here. They would tell my parents about how much they wished their kids could be able to do the things I was doing. This made me happy, because it made my parents proud of me as their daughter. I fully believed for so long that all of the things I was doing were expected of me, and that if I didn't do them I would leave others disappointed. Not until only around a year ago, I realized that I was doing so many things in my life for the approval of others and to meet high expectations that I thought would prove who I am as a person. I was faced with self conflict , because I didn't want to let my guard down and start to do some things in life for myself. I thought that it would make me look like a failure and a disappointment to those around me who thought I would continue this way forever. My parents always made sure to assure me that their number one wish was for me to be happy, and that everything else came second. I started to think about those words and changed a few things in my life that I knew would make a difference. I decided to start recognizing the things I was doing in life solely to gain the approval of others and drop them. It took some time of course because the structure of my life was essentially changing, but compared to a year ago I can confidently say I've progressed. I still do sports and activities I enjoy such as swimming and playing the violin, but the difference is that I do them for myself now. I’m not sure how many people can relate specifically to my blog, but if there’s one thing that I think whoever is reading this should take away, that would be to live life for yourself. Do things because you like doing them. Once you do, they will become all the more enjoyable. Aleyna K
14 Comments
Anna
1/13/2023 10:39:31 am
I really liked the last line of your blog. Live for yourself and do what you like to do to. I really connected to this and i feel like its something every should do as well.
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Lucas
1/13/2023 01:43:16 pm
I completely agree that doing activities for yourself is the best option that way you are doing things you enjoy. However, I do think that parents should push us to try many new things in our early childhood even if we don't want to do them, because we could end up finding something we a really good at. Great blog!
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Luis
1/13/2023 01:44:41 pm
I really related to the topic of the blog and I am very glad that you realized how many things you were doing just for approval. It is a very mature decision and not everyone is brave enough to face it in their whole lives.
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Marin
1/13/2023 01:48:24 pm
This was very well written and i feel i can relate to because i have felt similar feelings relating to my own household, doing activities where you feel like you're only doing it to please your parents ruins the fun out of doing things for yourself.
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rylyn
1/13/2023 01:48:32 pm
i thought this was a good topic because many kids in our age range do things to get someone else's approval wether thats to impress friends, family or even teachers. nice blog bud
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Eyad
1/13/2023 01:49:00 pm
This is insanely relateable, as the youngest child im unaware of the middle child perspective but as the youngest of two older children who for lack of a better term...didn't do much? I relate to wanting to live up to your parents expectations. great blog :)
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Quinn
1/13/2023 01:49:14 pm
thanks for sharing Alenya! I can definitley relate to this, it can be hard to take a step back and realize if you are doing things for yourself or other peoples approval. I'm glad you have made changes to better suit you instead of others.
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Gurleen
1/13/2023 01:50:14 pm
I relate to this so so much! I moved to Canada about a year ago and I have just taken upon everything and started so many new activities just to make others proud. I realised that I was doing too much and have taken a step back recently. Thank you so much for sharing <3
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Aimée
1/13/2023 01:51:55 pm
Reading your blog really helped me. Especially in my time as an exchange student, I am about to find my interest and the things which keep me happy. Thank you for sharing and for the extensive depiction of your situation. Once for sure, you're not alone with that, many of us are dealing with that and that is probably a really normal part of growing up.
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sunsia
1/13/2023 01:52:04 pm
I was glad to read the last paragraph where you mentioned showing progress and are doing things for yourself and not for anyone else. I could relate to this blog well and im happy for your change. thanks for sharing!
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Paula
1/13/2023 01:53:10 pm
I really enjoyed reading your blog. It told me that I am not alone with that and gave me energy to think about if the things I are because I want them or because other people expect me to do it.
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Melina Mohagheghi
1/13/2023 01:56:18 pm
I am also the first child of an immigrant parents with a really high standards. I have also done lots of activities and sports just to meet the expectations of my parents as their daughter. I'm glad that you to the things you love without caring about anyone's expectation.
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Anooj
1/13/2023 01:56:46 pm
It was a really nice blogI!
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Konstantin
1/13/2023 02:06:41 pm
I can relate to this topic. Sometimes I feel like others put expectations on me, but then I recognized I make them by myself. And I started enjoying it, expectations became goals for me and its the way of life for me. I think self expectations let you grow. And its always something you want to accomplish.
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