Have you had such a moment when you might want to say “no”, but you still can't? Have you had such a moment when you end up saying “yes” only because you don’t want to hurt other people’s feelings, and then you feel unhappy and unpleasant? Have you had such a moment when you even try to be nice to others at the expense of yourself? For example, whenever you're asked for help, you always think about it, even if you have important work to do, even if you have to give away 2-3 hours or more for some requests, or give up sleep to catch up on your work. After a while, you may realize that this isn't helping you at all. You spend a lot of time and energy on others, but hardly as much on yourself. The situation is particularly frustrating because it is self-inflicted. So you need to learn to say “no”.
Why do we find it so hard to say “no”? To learn to say no, we must first understand what is holding us back. Here are five common reasons people find it difficult to say “no”: 1. You want to help. You don't want to turn people down. You want to offer help where possible, even if it might cost you time. This is when you need to consider that the other person may rely on you instead of learning to deal with their own problems. The short-term help you give to others actually hinders their long-term self-growth. 2. You are fear of being rude. I was brought up with the idea that it's rude to say no, especially to older people. This perception is common in Asian cultures, where saving face is important. Saving face means not making others look bad (or not making them look bad). 3. You want to appear easygoing and are afraid of conflict. If you turn them down, you worry that they will get angry. This could lead to an ugly confrontation. Even in the absence of conflict, disagreements can have negative consequences later. Thus, you choose to be submissive. 4. You are fear of losing opportunities or paying the price. Sometimes you feel that saying no to someone might annoy them and cost you some day. 5. You want to play it safe by keeping your options open. Some people take "no" as a signal to completely refuse something or somebody, thinking that doing so might lead to a "no way out" or a "break-off." If any of the above applies to you, I would like to tell you that these reasons are totally misunderstood. Saying "no" doesn't mean you're rude or that you're not easygoing. Saying "no" does not mean future conflicts or lost opportunities. Saying "no" doesn't mean you're done. These are all misconceptions in our minds. It's not the fact that you choose to say “no”, but how you say “no”, that affects the outcome. After all, you have your own priorities and needs, just as everyone has their own needs. Saying "no" has to do with respecting and valuing your time and space. The language to say “no”, permission to gracefully disappoint others, strategies for setting firm boundaries that honour one’s time and energy can appear selfish at first, but they are the pivotal tools for better self-care. It's your right to say “no”. Rookie H
20 Comments
Marnie
2/2/2020 09:10:38 pm
This is such an important life lesson!
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Izzy
2/3/2020 10:35:03 am
I relate to this because sometimes I wanna say no to going to school but my parents make me go and I go to not make them upset. It’s true
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Riley Matthews
2/3/2020 10:38:45 am
I struggle with saying no when my friends ask me to go out with them after a super long day of work. It feels like I’m disappointing them when I say no. But really it’s all in my head and I shouldn’t feel bad for saying no when I want to because it’s my decision. This blog helped me out a lot thanks!
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Henri rosemeyer
2/3/2020 10:41:29 am
I can really relate to the problem of not saying no. Often that leads to being asked over and over again and saying yes over and over again. I'm that kind of person that says yes over and over again. I really have to learn how to say no.
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Nevada
2/3/2020 10:42:13 am
I really liked this topic. This is something I constantly struggle with, but never would have thought of to write about. I have never thought about how it could be hurting the other person. I also never considered that its how I say no vs. just the fact that I said no and I think that that is something I will start to look into from now on.
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Belle
2/3/2020 10:42:50 am
I think this article is very helpful. This happens many times in life, but many people don't know how to refuse.
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Kaelen
2/3/2020 10:42:57 am
First of all, thank you for sharing. After I read your article, I feel the same. In our learning career, teamwork is inevitable. Teamwork can indeed bring better work efficiency, but it also has many disadvantages. In a previous scientific experiment, there was often someone in our group stand there and doing nothing. At this time, people who seriously participated in the experiment would feel very uncomfortable. So in order to avoid this situation we should say no and express our thoughts bravely.
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Georgia
2/3/2020 10:44:18 am
I can definitely relate to this because I don't want to say no to people, and then I often find myself exerting more energy for their sake rather than mine. I want to say yes because if the positions were switched I know that if I asked someone to do something for me I would want them to say yes.
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Maya Arnold
2/3/2020 10:44:49 am
I found this blog very relatable because whenever I am asked to hangout or to do something I always feel bad if I say no and sometimes I feel as though I disappointed the other person who asked.
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Alexa
2/3/2020 10:45:55 am
Thank you for this very interesting blog! I relate to this because sometimes I want to say no to my friends or just people in general, but I’m scared of what their reaction will be. Thank you for the tips on getting through.
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albuna
2/3/2020 10:46:22 am
i have a hard time saying no to work, because i want money. so i work rather than do my homework
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natalie
2/3/2020 10:46:27 am
Sometimes i struggle with saying no to going out if im really tired and dont feel well.
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amelie
2/3/2020 10:49:43 am
i relate to this alot, it bring back some memories to me how just a word can hurt my health and mindset for the best of others. it's hard to say no for help because i want to set a good example of myself out there, thank you for sharing!
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Shirley Huang
2/3/2020 10:50:18 am
I definitely think that this blog is very useful or everybody.Humans are social animals. Helping people in social interaction is our nature, and the word "no" feels confrontational and may threaten potential relationships. However, sometimes saying no is a good way to end the waste of time. That’s why learning to say no comes in handy.
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Lukas
2/3/2020 10:50:24 am
Wow, this was a very insightful post Rookie. I’ve definetly fallen victim to not being able to say “no” to things before and i never understood why it was such an issue for me. The points you spoke about helped me better understand the issue and why it happens to us. Im definitely going to utilize this information in the future
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Emilie
2/3/2020 10:52:33 am
I really like the blog and the topic about you wrote. Sometimes it is the best opportunity to say no but it can be so hard. I think it is the hardest when you really like the person and you have a close relationship with the person who ask you to do something but you don`t can or want do it.
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Olivia Kwiatkowski
2/3/2020 10:57:34 am
This was really well written and described something I struggle with so much right down to a tee. I hold myself to high standards and sometimes this causes me to not want to say no to something. I like helping others and trying as many new opportunities as possible but often end up bitting off more than I can chew. This sometimes causes me to have to back out of things last minute because I'm just so overwhelmed or didn't really want to do in the first place, which makes me feel like a bad person. This blog really helped me realize that it's oaky and normal to say no to things, and helped me gain some motivation to wanting to change this habit and worry!
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cameron
2/3/2020 11:08:48 am
saying "no" is the most important thing and you should have learned it as soon as you could have. with all the examples giving i think everyone can relate to this problem.
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Jenny
2/3/2020 01:03:52 pm
This is a very important skill as there is often a lot of peer pressure to conform and be agreeable to some potentially terrible ideas.
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Melina
9/28/2023 01:56:00 pm
I have grown up in a culture where saying no is considered rude and disrespectful and that's why I still find it hard to say no to people. So I also believe that saying "no" is a skill that everyone must have.
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