I honestly feel selfish. I feel selfish for continuously thinking about everything I am missing and the fact that I keep fucking crying over graduation. I feel like a horrible and ungrateful person for pitying myself for even one second when I am stuck in a nice house, surrounded by my family with food in our fridge and millions of things that I can do to keep busy. Thousands and thousands and thousands of people are dying and suffering around the world, and I can’t let it go that the end of my Grade 12 year has been ruined. This blog will probably make me sound like a horrible, pessimistic and self-centered person, but I need to write about it. Hopefully writing this blog will release a bit of tension that is causing me so much pain.
As we all know school has been suspended indefinitely due to COVID-19. But let’s face it; this school year is over. Coming to terms with this fact has been very difficult for me. If you know me then you know that I actually enjoy school because I get to hangout with my friends all day and all my teachers are great, I love my classes and I actually love learning new things. Ever since grade 8 I knew that I needed to cherish highschool because I knew that I would miss it once I graduated. So I tried to go into every day knowing that my days at SDSS were limited. But having the end of my graduation year suddenly be taken away and me being powerless against it makes me so fucking mad and so completely devastated. I've missed and will miss so many experiences in the next 2 months that I will never ever get the chance to do over. Last week we were told that the West Coast Trail trip is canceled. For people that don't know, the WCT is a 75km hike that the school gives grade 12 students the opportunity to go on. My older brother and cousin both did this and both said that it was the best part about each of their high school experiences. I’m not going to get the chance again to go on a week-long hike with friends and some other kids in grade 12 that I wanted to get to know better or the 4 great teachers that were going with us. That’s only one example of something amazing I will miss. Trying to suddenly come to terms with the fact that I won’t get the graduation I've been working hard for for the past 5 years and that I have been thinking about and looking forward to since I can remember is heartbreaking. Everyone obviously will have to deal with moving on from high school and looking forward into the future, and even if you don't actually like school there is still something sad and hard about saying goodbye to the last 5 years of your life and essentially some level of childhood. After high school you’re pushed into the beginning of the “real world”, and whatever that looks like for each person it can be scary. I knew that I would have a really hard time saying goodbye to high school in general but I also can’t properly say goodbye to teachers or friends and the people that I’ve grown up with that I know I probably see won’t again. No one knows what kind of graduation we will get, if we get one at all, and it’s frustrating because it’s absolutely nobody's fault. I actually originally had quite a different topic to talk about that I had set up for this blog and I’m not sure what the point of writing this was because there aren't any tips or whatever to help you grow as a leader, I guess this was just to rant and get it all out. But I will say this, something really important that everyone needs to hear and genuinely understand; take nothing for granted. The thing about taking things for granted is that you don’t realize it until it’s gone. I’m glad I never took high school for granted because I have loved and cherished every unforgetable moment, stupid decision, fucking useless math test and every horribly stressful time throughout my 5 years at SD. I can look back at my high school experience without any regret because even though I am missing the best parts, I know that I can’t do anything about it except instead to think of all the great things I’ve gotten the chance to do over the years of being a devil. This experience of losing something very important to me has made me grateful that I was always treasuring attending SD because I knew that I would miss it. If I hadn’t done that then this would seem more sudden than it already does and be a lot more painful. So take nothing for granted because you never know when something as crazy and random as a worldwide pandemic will come along and fuck things up. Stay healthy and safe xx Georgia F
16 Comments
shirley huang
4/27/2020 08:25:39 am
Don’t worry! The happening of Covid-19 is an inevitable disaster in our lives. However, it is also a special experience. My history teacher told us that maybe one day our words would become the valuable primary source for history. I know we left a lot of regrets. But be positive. At least covid-19 allows us to spend more time with our families.
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Emilie
4/27/2020 09:54:01 am
Great Blog. I can really relate with your emotions and feelings. You cannot change anything on the situation and that's the reason why many people feel so powerless. It is hard to face the fact that probably the school year is over but there is nothing that we can do. The aspect to take nothing for granted got clear to me during this time and it is so important to remember it.
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nevada johnson
4/27/2020 09:54:14 am
Hi Georgia. I’m really sorry about your graduation. I saw at the top you talked about feeling selfish for being so devastated. I wanted to let you know that it’s okay and I don’t see it as selfish. You are missing out on a big thing here that people think about since kindergarten. It’s only natural that you feel this way.
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amelie
4/27/2020 09:57:05 am
wow, okay, this blog definitely caught my attention. I can't say that i feel the same struggle as you, but i see your pain and where it's coming from. Not only did it take away the last term of your gr 12 year, but it took away all big opportunities. Thinking of all the good memories is a good way to handle this type of situation, don't beat yourself over the fact that you don't have the expected version of graduation even if it was really important to you. at least you realized that we shouldn't take things for granted, when we have no control over the future.
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Maya Arnold
4/27/2020 10:03:28 am
I was able to relate quite a bit too this blog because I am in grade 12 as well. Thinking of all the good memories has helped me quite a bit through this time as well as it hasn't fully hit me that I won't be having a proper graduation :(
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Janeva
4/27/2020 10:03:45 am
I feel you Georgia! All of the exciting experiences that we grads were all looking forward to have been stripped of us. I think it's best to keep a positive outlook on this situation and try to cherish these last few months the best we can!
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matthew
4/27/2020 10:06:54 am
As a graduating student I totally understand how you feel nd I feel the same way. I feel selfish about having this all pretty easy but at the same time im sad about not getting to do all the fun things that i have been lookingforward to for the last many years. but i guess it is what it is
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Riley Matthews
4/27/2020 10:14:02 am
I can see how hard this must be for you and your fellow grads. i couldn’t imagine how hard it must be to have dates pass by that had so much meaning. Everything will go back to normal eventually, i hope you are doing well with everything you are going through. great blog.
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cameron
4/27/2020 10:09:24 am
i like this blog since i get a different POV. for me i didnt mind too much and i never knew the side of those who it did mean so much too. and totally understand the different feeling's you have for something you are so passionate about.
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Janaka
4/27/2020 10:10:10 am
Great blog! I feel really bad for all the grade 12 students this year.
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Olivia Kwiatkowski
4/27/2020 10:16:31 am
Wow. I don't even know what to say- in this case too many thoughts come to my mind. Even before the provincial government decided to suspend school indefinitely I felt bad for all of you grade twelves. I was watching spring break vacations be ruined (including mine) and I instantly became saddened and concerned for all of you. At that point you could sort of see it coming, but I think we all help our breaths that this pandemic wouldn't ruin the remainder of the school year. None the less, especially for grade twelves, it hasn't made this new reality any less difficult.
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izzy schmitz
4/27/2020 01:49:41 pm
im so sorry :( i know you feel like your missing one of the biggest milestones ever. i hope you can talk to some other grads and start to feel better about the situation. stay srong
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Alexa Kusel
4/27/2020 02:35:28 pm
Nice blog! Im sorry about your graduation. It must be very difficult and I can't imagine how hard that would be.
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albuna
4/27/2020 03:14:17 pm
i think its okay to feel selfish about graduation. i know many of us have older siblings or we have at least attended a grad. we got to see their experience, and we just wanted to expericane it to.
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avery
10/6/2020 02:32:00 pm
I'm sorry about your grad year:( I think that your feelings are completely valid in feeling like you're missing out on the biggest reward of a 12 year long job. Especially if you've already had older siblings who got to experience all of those grad events that you were hoping to do as well.
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Kaysey
10/6/2020 02:37:53 pm
Hey Georgia ! Your blog makes me question my mindset about high school. Part of me doesn't give a single crap and the other part wants to cherish the time I have as a high school student. As a new student at SD during grade my grade 12 year, especially with this fucking covid, It's difficult to keep such a happy mindset about graduating when I have no friends. And there's like no opportunity for that. Regardless, I'm glad to hear your experiences with graduating,. Hopefully your post high-school experience is a more joyous one. And being selfish about this is okay lol, don't let anyone invalidate your feelings.
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