Perfection is the state or quality of being free or as possible. We always have a desire to be the best out of the best, but can we be the best? I am a person who strives for perfection in everything, from folding T-shirts to driving in the middle of the road. I need to be perfect at all times. I think it all originated from the environment I was growing up in. In South Asian culture, to be respectful to someone older than you, we don’t use names when calling them. In a way, we learn that acknowledging them without their name is the first sign of respectfulness. As I am the oldest sibling and cousin, they all call me 'didi’ which means older sister. Ever since childhood, everyone younger than me called me that out of respect. However, with this name came a lot of responsibility. We are indirectly the role models for the younger ones. The expectations of a well-paid job, making no mistakes, being academically independent and more. I did not realize until now that those listed expectations are spot-on examples of perfection. Since childhood, being put as a person to look up to made me get this image in my head where the main underlining is perfection. That kept me reflecting on everything I do in life. Just how I dress, talk, behave, the list can go on. Having this perception of myself prevented me from looking at myself any differently. The compliments and accomplishments I kept getting were digging the perfections more deeply in me. I have only come to realize the true meaning of perfection now. It started to take a toll on my mental and physical health. I was doing many extracurricular activities in a day from that role model imagery. I lost weight drastically from the sports and not letting my body reset. The stress was adding to it all. At one point, I couldn't let go of things that weren't done perfectly by me, I felt like a failure. Now I allow myself to make mistakes, I think of them more positively rather than the other way around All this being said, think of it like this. We are humans, but not always perfect ones. I started to think of it as a flower which has not bloomed yet. Though it does not look perfect like the others, we still put it in a vase on the dining table. This perspective leads me to strive for continuous improvement rather than unattainable perfection.
In the end, it is all about acknowledging our imperfections, celebrating our progress, and always being open to learning and growing! Janvi J
13 Comments
Mateo
12/1/2023 01:46:33 pm
Janvi I honestly feel exactly like you said in your blog right now, I fell behind on assignments and low key feel like a failure. I try to focus on the positives like you said, but sometimes it can be hard. I think it's so cool you shared part of how you felt the pressure of perfection and the stress that comes along with it, and I really really connected with your blog! Thank you for writing about this!
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Em
12/1/2023 01:49:23 pm
feeling the pressure of elders around us is hard and especially feeling like you have to carry it all the time. i like what you said about the flower ive never thought of it lke that.
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Alanna
12/1/2023 01:54:08 pm
This is truly very well written, in my family i am also the oldest sister and cousin. What you wrote about how you grew up i could relate to very well and i adore what you've said about how to cope with those pressures. Extremely well written, great job!
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Portia
12/1/2023 01:55:38 pm
Your blog makes me rethink how I should view perfection and try not to only think negatively, thank you for sharing your experiences
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sarah
12/1/2023 01:59:59 pm
Honestly I don't really relate to this but it was interesting reading about it, I'm glad you can see how it affects you. A lot of my friends struggle with perfection as well so I see how mentally damaging it can be. Thank you for sharing.
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Sunsia
12/1/2023 02:01:02 pm
As a fellow older sibling i relate to this a lot. I saw it smwhere that oldest siblings grow along with their parents. Which means that their parent’s first-time-parenting mistakes directly affect the oldest sibling. This includes high expectations and putting on a lot of weight and responsibility on the kid. On top of the things uve mentioned Ive learned that effective communication between all family members help a lot. As u said, no ones perfect.
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Laetitia
12/1/2023 02:01:02 pm
This blog is very well written. It is interesting to see your point of view and also get insight into your culture. Thank you for sharing
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Rosetta
12/1/2023 02:01:56 pm
This is so relatable, Janvi. I am also the oldest sibling and cousin and I have this constant pressure to be a perfect role model for the young ones. I'm glad I'm not the only one going through this. Don't forget to have self care days too, it's impossible for someone to keep going without breaks. Stay strong queen <3
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Jane
12/1/2023 02:02:29 pm
I found myself relating to your blog a lot as someone who always had high expectations put on them since young. While I'm not the eldest sibling, I find similar pressure as the youngest of my family. There is lots of pressure set on me to do "better", achieve higher grades, or accomplish things faster. These things have stuck with me since early elementary. "I had to do well on my own so they can help someone else" was a thought I often had. So whenever I had mess-ups both in school, sports, etc I felt like a failure and like I was letting myself and my parents down. I really liked the different forms of reflection you added at the end to help manage this.
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Lianne
12/1/2023 02:03:56 pm
Janvi, I relate to this so much. I'm also a perfectionist and often lose sleep over grades that don't satisfy my vision. I like your analogy about the flower that has yet to bloom. I'll keep that in mind for the next time I feel pressure to perform for perfect grades.
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Brody
12/1/2023 02:08:08 pm
I can relate to this. As an only child there is a lot of pressure on me to be perfect. This has made me rethink my idea of perfection and to think positively.
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Merle R
12/1/2023 02:08:28 pm
I think nowadays everyone is at least once at this point, where everything what you are doing feels like it's not enough. I really like your tips and I think life gets so much easier with using them. Thanks for sharing.
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Jaden
12/1/2023 02:19:52 pm
I like how you said to reflect ourselves to not have the pressure of perfection. I sometimes go crazy with my perfect image of myself and when I think about it after, those things are not really necessary to make it perfect-perfect, i realized it is okay to not be perfect.
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